..a little too sweet*

feelings: anger, frustrated, cant be bothered, pissed, disappointed, upset, heartbreaking, unhappy, piercing words through the heart, many more feelings unsettled since yesterday,etc....

y???

simple... the attitude... i know eulisia didnt mean not to bring the cover page... thus i had to find a way, therefore i told the group members... was i wrong?? if i was, it's just too bad... den i had to tell syayma, she is the one assigned and responsible for collecting the file ryte??? and i DO NOT want her to get into trouble with heng anymore... it's our responsibility too to inform her... and i dont think eulisia understood... i didnt tell evryone... she got me wrong... talking to syayma was a trigger for eulisia to scold and say out all the vulgarities she could inclusive of bitch, bastard, babi... it was alarming for me... but if she wish to say such stuffs to me... den i could not say more... i do not want to scold her back... im not that kind of person... i juz keep it to myself... and of coz, here... my blog... who else to complain?? they would prefer her more to me i guess... thats how i feel... it's not about jealousy if u have such thought... it's about trying to understand me as a person much deeper... why i do such things, why i react such ways... why i panicked and tell the whole world... but no one can figure it out...

call me a bitch all she want... i bitch for a reason... i could have uttered the exact same thing when i realised she didnt bring it while i was filing... i could have... but i didnt... y?? simple.. i didnt want such small things to bring up a fight... yes... i panicked and was scared... who wouldnt if heng always gets pissed at us..?? when he says mrs liao wants it... that was the reason i panicked... but again... no one cares to know the rationale... but instead... just blurt out what they want to ease their unhappiness...

she did apologise though... and i really appreciate that... and she is forgiven... honest...however, it's never easy to forget such hurtful things... which added on to the way keith talked about me befriending him or just a fake friend... but keith did explain already... i wonder why u thought of it this way... when i treasure every single friendship that is made... y?? i guess... the trust isnt there... but... haix... i donoe... how wud i noe...

haix... understanding me wont be an easy task anymore... the more u say such things, the more secretive i will get... the more difficult to pry open the door to my true self and feelings...


will i be ok from now on... im not sure... at most, i'll just speak when necessary... and keep to myself more now... if that's how the conclusion is... then, there is nothing else i can do... other than what i really can and cant...=(




)'; ayiie rindu abg angkat ayiie, abg amir!! ;'(