..a little too sweet*

it's been a long long time, almost a month since i last updated. well, this is due to the reason i dont feel like letting others know how i feel, im just too beezee with school stuffs and dance which drains the energy out of me and that tests are almost endless!! i can rarely find time. even if i can find time, studies "pop", "pop", "pop" in my mind! not forgetting homeworks which are part and parcel of schooling life.. obviously it sucks! but, 'A' levels are coming my way.. so im must be mentally prepared for it.

the results were out. it was somewhat motivating to get my 6 A's but at the same time, seeing tears of sadness just breaks my heart. though it motivates me to work much much harder to achieve my goals where tears of joy can flow, it does dishearten and put pressure and fear within the mind. somehow, i know it will not be an easy task. i must start now!! pronto!! so why am i blogging? haha! just contradicting my own self yet again.

about dance.
attitudes of the dancers as well as excos are just getting on my nerves. they are enthusiastic about dance. it is pretty obvious and thats great news!! but, they keep coming in from 5 mins late to almost 30 mis late recently.. some of them have the acceptables reasons while others.. haix.. it justs upsets me.. i just do not want to get my dancers into trouble with... but i guess they will never know what i mean. i really felt guilty talking about this issues to them last friday. it was as if i was overpowering the president and the head of culture. not that the vp is not important but the vp himself was late! omg! how atrocious! what abt the asst. head of culture? he was early but as an i/c for another event, he too upsets me. they need constant reminder before anything can be done right. i have confidence in these dancers. =) i still feel guilty though. im really sorry to the dancers if i had hurt any of your feelings. if i had, it wasnt intentional and i wasnt pinpointing to anyone.

my studies? it has been on a bumpy ride. it goes uphill and downhill. it can shoot up the success level on one occassion and decline drastically on another. how i wish it was increasing gradually..=( i will work hard and smart to do well for block tests. i have to do well. i have to do much better than before. i must be serious in everything that i do. i must put in effort. not just sufficient to make me pass but to make me ace my exams. from now on, i must achieve for my goals. i will take failure as a stepping stone to success [as quoted in the postcard]. i will not let people's judgements get the better of me. i must showcase confidence in my ability and flaunt it. but i should not be complacent. :)

well, he is always there for me. he supports me. he makes me laugh. he makes me cry. he has confidence in me. he knows i can do well if i put my heart and soul to it. he gave me words of encouragement when i lost all hope. he gave strength to pull through my failures. he gave me the love that i can never ask for. though sometimes he tells me things i do not wish to hear.. like not wanting to have these 2 particular terms which i shall not disclose to describe the relationship we're having that really hurts, cut a wound, left a mark, bla bla bla... he still showers me with his care and concern, love and misses, hugs and kisses.. heheh.. anyway.. dont think too far okay? i dont see him daily nor fortnightly or every weekend.. it is only possible to see him at the end of the year if go abroad. =( other than that, communication with him is through phonecalls, smses, msgs, chatting, comments. so yea. dont think too far. i dont really experience real hugs and kisses.. it is just in the mind and in the smses.. pathetic isn't it? seriously, at first it may seem pathetic. to think about it deeper, it actually tests us on our level of trust for one another. by saying this, more and more questions will arise. oh well, i cant explain it fully myself. =)

off to study later in the wee hours of the morning.. =) it all starts with mLL..