..a little too sweet*

this post is about edusave award ok... i am not bragging or boasting... but i was just thinking of why i seldom or rarely believe in my own abilities and always look down on myself and what i can do to achieve greater things... why do i lack the thing called confidence? :((


eversince i stepped in to primary school, i received the edusave merit bursary award.. money! haha! exciting!! :)) however from primary 4 to 6, though i received the letter, i couldnt take the award.. due to fact that the total income should be less than that stated specific amount... so, yea... it was depressing for me...


then i went to secondary school... :)) i received the award yet again.. yayness!! it's like a super sweet achievement... during my first two years, i need not fill up the form given as i received the edusave scholasrship award... wheee!!! happiness filled my life... but the next two... it was back to merit... haha!! i played harder than i studied so... hahaha! nvm... and again i couldnt take the award... awwww... :(( income exceeded the amount ok... :((


after that, i went to college... :)) and yes... i was superbly shell-schocked... i received the merit award again... it came as a shock due to the reason that i seldom do very well in tests in college! :/ oh gosh! i am sad... i cant get it again... sadness brews... ;((


receiving the award thruout these years... i wonder if i was too hard and harsh on myself whenever i dont do well... till it cause me to lose confidence in my very own abilities...??


at times i just feel very puzzled... they know what the income in each family is like... so why do they still send to families whose income very well exceeded the stated amount?? i know they send to students who came in the top 10% or 25%... it is like to tell us "well done!" ... it is pretty nice of them... but why the specific income?


it doesnt mean a family who has high income sends their children for tuition classes while those of a lower one dont.. it is just so unfair... i dont know of the reason for the income thing... but isnt the award given for the students... for students who are outstanding... who did well in their studies.... it is meant for us right? so why bring in the family income? i just dont get it... do you readers do? why do you think of the reason behind it? haix... it's upsetting...


having more than 1 working family member... haix... sadness...! :((



whatever it is, alhamdulillah... saya amat bersyukur kerana menerima surat itu wlupn hakikatnye, saya xdpt amek wang tunai yg diberi.. amin... :))