identity confusion.*

isnt the title ever so nice?! but ehh.. it isnt me who's having an identity confusion.. i know who and what i am very well.. hahaha! i think.. but even with i think, i know where i stand and where's my roots and all that.. nyehhh! so yes i dont know why but sometimes i get confused why others are confused about who i am.. hahaha! i think i dont think i look that alien to anyone.. ^.^

anyway, i dont think.. wait i KNOW i dont look chinese okay? i so gelap(dark, tanned) like that.. and i am pretty sure i dont even look like one la.. maybe one of my cousin on dad's side have it.. but not me sey.. maybe when i was younger.. where i was FAIRER, i can pull it off la.. but ever since i went swimming in sec1 (compulsory ok!), and obs in jc1 (hmm.. compulsory too!) i GOT TANNED.. i always wanted to know how it feels to be sunburned but i tanned faster than burnt. -.-" but these days, i get RED faster when i walk under the scorching hot sun. but now, i cannot tahan the heat and uv rays burning my oh so tan skin.. =( yes, i am behaving to my primary one nickname my cikgu gave me: PUTERI LILIN. hehehe.. and someone else thinks i'm like that too. huhu.. but then, i am most likely to accept the fact of being one puteri lilin for the mentari si super cute. haha! ^.^

so back to the topic of identity confusion by others.. and since they are confused, at times, i can infer how lop-sided they are.. it's quite unfair because we are all human.. and yes, i feel sad for i am all three whether i like it or not.. =( well, things that happen to me, i dont mind la.. but some quite funny. because, either they think i crazy or they just ignore the very fact i am not chinese. -.-"

so, i relate to you two events. actually have more.. but i lazy and sleepy.. haha!

EVENT 1 ( school )

i was at the snack shop, buying nestum and queue-ing to pay for it. SNACKS & NESTUM food for the tummy and to fight the freaking COLD LT!! well, my friend was beside me and hello hello i was talking in malay to her. then i had to pay of course. my friend paid first and the aunty spoke to her in english. and when it comes to me, she spoke in mandarin. i mean. i was laughing to myself in my heart, and saying to myself,

"ape kene la aunty ni. cine sangat ke muke ni. adoii! i am so tanned and i dont look chinese ok. haih. takpelah. nasib la i ni faham. kalau tak.. muke blur sotong la aunty tu dapat. haha!"

EVENT 2 ( cab )

i was waiting  for a cab. after the passenger alight so i board la duh. then the cabby is a malay. i usually speak in english everytime i cab regardless of what race the cabby is. so the conversation was a bit weird because the uncle very angsty. i scared. it goes like this.

me: uncle, can we go to __________ please.

cabby: you pay in cash or card? (angrily and angstily while counting his money.)

me: urm. cash.. (i voiced down.. i was so scared okay. my journey will take some time. =( )

then he drove off.. so along the way, he keep counting his money.. i was very scared i tell you. halfway through.. suddenly he spoke to me in that high angered tone again.. i was freaking scared.. i wanted to cry there and then. he asked..

cabby: you chinese or malay?
me: huh.. malay... (i look down scared la. but dalam hati, nak jawab, nape. saye indian actually.)
cabby: oh.. pakcik ingat cina tadi. rupanya melayu. ni nak pegi __________, dekat ngan primary school __________ tu kan?
me: aah, dekat sane la, tapi kite kene buat u-turn sbb block dia kat seberang..
cabby: oh ok ok.. pakcik tahu.

so yes. i feel rather bad a bit coz i think it's unfair if he treated me differently just because he thinks i am not who he thinks i am. i wanted to tell him neither and said indian. but i scared he jam brake and crash la sey.. hahahaa.. so when i reach my destination after being sesat a bit, i find it funny because i was thinking again, i dont look cine at all la sey.. -.-"

okays.. so ya.. i dont know how in the world someone can mistake me for a chinese. and today, my mami pulak say.

"mami tak paham macam mane la orang boleh kate angah kau ngan kau muka same.. mami tengok lain je.. angah nampak macam orang hindustan sikit."

so i ask, "then me?"

"adik. adik tak nampak melayu, tak nampak indian, tak nampak cina. you nampak macam others. sebab tu ic others that day."

then i answered, "thanx. now i know i look alien. haha. and my ic others."

thats the craziest thing that happen. how in the world did the gvmnt put my ic as others in the form? i wasnt the first child dammit.. every sibling of mine got the race part correct except me. i was placed under others. WHY! haha! so funny. but i changed it anyway. i cant be the odd one out. then they will really think im others.. HEHEH!

ok laa.. goodnites :)