motorcycles*

i feel like eliminating motorcycles from the road. one reason is because i associate motorcycles to someone. and i've been a bitch to that someone ( i shall label someone as my mirage!) by not texting because i bloody ego.. and maybe a bit pride-ful not lust-ful.. haha.

and yup, whenever a motorcycle zooms past or i hear a motorcycle sound somewhere somehow, i'll be pissed first then, smile to myself macam selenger.. and people will be looking, apehal lah ngan perempuan ni.. and then when i see their super omg faces, i'll be like oh man.. look away... paisey..

okays, back to angry motorcycle elimination issues.. oh well, i feel angry with myself for a fact that i know that i damn ego for not texting.. and the worse part of all is that, i wont deny the fact that i purposely didnt text my pretty mirage (waiting for mirage instead! but am not counting on it. HAHAHA! i have my reasons for thinking that way. dont get me wrong for thinking this way about mirage..) oh the worse part is that, when i text mirage a lot, people surrounding me dont give a damn about mirage existence.. but when i stop doing things for mirage, people ask me about mirage endlessly.. and i keep having to reply, i didnt text mirage. so dont ask. and they will probe in further. and i have to end up saying things like i didnt text mirage and mirage didnt text me. FULLSTOP. end of story. dont ask me anything else. because i just cannot answer because i dont know for i didnt ask. mirage is not mine and i dont know what mirage is up to. i cant spy on mirage 24/7. i like mirage a lot. i wont lie to anyone. people will know if i really like a guy or not.. i cant lie.. and my face tells everything (something i wish i could hide.) at the same time, ive been suppressing all my likes for mirage. another reason i try not to text mirage anymore..

i just want to move away.. i hate hurting my feelings.. i didnt ask for these feelings for my cutie mirage but it happened.. i dont ask for anything in return.. but the feelings are there.. what am i suppose to do... i dont want to pursue my feelings but it's something i cant control.. if i could have controlled my heart, my feelings and thoughts, i wouldnt have had a crush on you know who la right.. ive been typing so much.. aiyoo!! somehow, my feelings will get hurt or something..

and somehow, i've been doing things to hurt myself (no, i didnt cut myself), to exclude myself from social life. sometimes i just want to be who i was before i met mirage. not that i changed when i met mirage but, it's my feelings that im more concern about..

sometimes, i can be damn fucked up. okays..

issue on motorcycles elimination.. it is due to the fact that i miss him that badly that i've been having nightmares about him. and my nightmares about him is damn haunting. and to top it off, being bitchy, ego and prideful, i didnt text him. therefore, it kills me, and it hurts me in one way or another.

at least some msgs i stored in the sim card, brings smiles to my face. despite, my character of not texting. all i can say is that, im surrendering/suppressing/pretending about my feelings.. i told him before, it's a test for me.. and so be it..

not like any of you reader know who someone, mirage or him  anyway.. im just ranting it here not there because, this blog is dusty!  loves...