should i??

HELP!!

i am super addicted to my LAPTOP!!! although i dont have anything to do online, i am apparently almost always ONLINE!!! i am like 24/7 online.. :(( sheessh!! i need a lifee pronto!! huhu... i want to work.. and yes i am working at home, ie. i babysit my nephew from sundays to tuesdays or from sundays to wednesdays, but I DONT GET PAID!!! :( i am a FOC babysitter.. but nevermind.. all she'll say back if i say why in the first place she cuts my montly allowance after she got married as well as making us care for her child while she works and yet pay no single cent,

she'll say to me, "dulu pun aku jage kau pe."

& mum will tell her when i'm not around that, "adik kau tu jage satu hari."

& she'll answer to mum, "big deal."

& mum tells me all this and add on, "alaa.jage tak sampai 5minit pun nk ungkit. dulu dia jage, adik adik dia da besar da bkn kecik mcm paris."

& i will tell mum, "biar la angah tu. mcm budak kecik. kalau dia adik. da lame ayie sepak sepak dia dah. -________-."

and when i argue with her about her looking after her child.

i will say, "nak branak lagi? satu ni tk trjage. quit ar keje kalau nk branak."
she says, "tak tak.aku taknak quit keje.korg jage ar."
i say, "ni kan anak kau. buat aku nk jage. tkde kaitan langsung. except maksu and anak sdare. tu jage kaitan."
she says, "dulu kau kecik2 pn aku jage kan kau (starts bebel-ling). pun tkde kaitan ape2 pe."
i just shut up while i thought. how can we have no pertalian?? at least being a mak su to my anak sdare has lesser pertalian then an elder sister to a younger sister. hmmm.. when she said kite tkde pertalian, i thought to myself, "saye anak angkat ke?" and that made me very sad. :((

it gets irritating. & she keeps threatening it that she'll send paris to childcare.. she'd rather pay some others at the child care than her own family. stingy stingy. huh. i dont like you. we used to quarrel and we got back ok. BUT now, i dont think i'll get better with you. the NICER and SABAR i get holding up all ur B***S**T & perangai.. the more IRRITATED i will get.. the NICER i get, the MORE u treat me like a MAID! like i didnt notice all this time. disebabkan anak sdare saye manje sangat ngn saye, berkepit ngan saye walaupun u people ade. [kecuali time ade atuk, paris suke atuk dari saye. haha!] tu tak semestinya, u just give him to me wad. and u tangkap jambu. while me? macam JANDA anak satu or whatever org pandang serong sbb mude and kendong anak sorg2.. at most people kate saye maid especially when u carry ur child while the rest of the stuffs u let me carry. it's just not fair. u only think of urself.

&& i wasnt being f***ed up when i said i didnt want to live next to you!! it's just that i dont want to live near you so you can torture & take advantage of what ur family do for you. my comment that is, "taknak la tggl sblh angah." got u all worked up and pissy with ME. and u threw ur anger on someone else. and in your anger u even brought up what i said which has got nothing to do with them. so who's fault is it?? it is mine for i was just saying my opinion. u cant accept it so what!

ok.. back to my addiction with my lappy.

when i have my brick game, im hooked to playing it.
when i have my sudoku game, im hooked to solving it.
when i have a storybook, im hooked wanting to finish the story!!

maybe i should start playing my sis's psp.. hehe!! or mum's nintendo ds.. hehe!! yes yes!! i should!! then i can avoid my lappy!!

oh that reminds me, i do have an unread storybook to be read.. hehe! maybe i should start reading it. :)

but since both of my games have miraculously disappeared somewhere. i am online almost always.

haih... baru bangun je, online. sebelum tido, online. dah buat keje umah, online. dah makan, online. after everything i do, i will be ONLINE! huhu...

sedey je hidop cmne.. dah mcm routine. and saye smkin hari smkin bosan.. at least dulu, malam malam tak online sngt sbb saye akan bergayut kat telipon ngn bf.. :( tapi bf dah tkde. saye windu la plak nk borak ngan dia. :( dia was not my bf according to something.. :(

i miss him laa. && i feel like ringing him up. but i dont know.

SHOULD I?

i dont think he wants to hear from me though. :(

dilanda dilema.. :(